On my p's

I think i should just call this a period blog since i write on here most of the time whenever im on my period and feel all sad and moody and think about things more than usual.

In All Seriousness

Sometimes i think i should stop being happy, joking and laughing all the time around people. Whenever im serious about something most people cant tell especially by the way i say it. Not being serious for a while makes me feel like i dont know how to be serious and when i want to i say it in a jokeful matter which people dont realise.

16

I gave him food poisoning from the sandwhich i made for him. I felt so bad i even started crying in front of him even when a few days before i told myself i didnt want to be sad in front of him.

I had sex with him. I dont know what got to me. Maybe it was because of my period and i felt really horny or because i actually wanted to do it with him and really like him. I cant even say love yet either. Maybe a little bit but not fully. I dont know if i regret the decison i made. In a way i do, but again i dont????? I wish he stopped me and we talked about it with each other properly.

Loneliness

Why am I feeling like this again? I thought I would never feel like this again because it's a new school and I have my close friends but it's happening again. I'm always just there. There's no difference with or without me there. I only like going to one class since I have one of my close friends n another friend that I can talk to. But i still feel so lonely.

:)))))

hypocrite.

Seen

Breathlessness

Checking if I lost followers

Trying to respond to messages to please people

Nervousness

Heart racing

Personas

Did I do something wrong? Did they understand what I'm trying to say? Did I make them laugh?

Why is it seen did I write something wrong

Let me talk to you.

Doki Doki

He has my blog now. I gave it to him and hes most likely going to see this. Hey you - fuck you. <3

We talked about how we felt and i feel so bad for making him feel that way about how i acted around him at school. I dont want to say anything because i feel like itll sound like im just making excuses.

When people ask why i like him i say i dont know. There isnt anything major that makes me feel like a different person when im with him or we have this strong connection with each other but there are small things that i like about him which i think will slowly grow into something more later on.

I want to say these things to you in front of you but even now i still get shy talking about this things with you.

Ive told you how much i like your voice. When i say i can listen to it all day i really mean it. it just sounds so nice and soothing.

I like how whenever we hug each other really tight we almost fall over.

When we act like dumbasses together even when were so done with each other.

I like being able to kiss your mole on your neck.

When you hold my hand or just wrap your arms around my neck or waist makes me want to go close to you more.

When i can just be able to be near you and feel your warmth of your body.

When you play with my hands or just rub my back feels really nice and comforting.

When i get to hear your laugh especially from me makes me feel happy.

The way you look at me makes me want to kiss you all the time.

Those butterfly kisses you do on my cheek or hand makes me always laugh.

Its funny when you try to be 'romantic'.

You have really nice arms even if you think theyre sticks.

You have this nice scent of yours that smells nice whenever i hug you.

I like nestling in your chest since it feels warm and comfy.

I really appreciate  those deep talks that weve only had a few times rarely and i hope we could have more.

These are just things that i can think of now but i like you so so so so much and really do appreciate you even if i dont show it as much. Sometimes i feel like i wont be able to like you as much as you do to me but i want to be able to. I dont want you to think these are just empty words i say and i wanna show you i do care about you and like you. I know you get jealous of my friends and im sorry about being like that to you when im with them but i dont want to say more since you might think i wont do anything but i want you to know i do appreciate you even if i dont show it youll see i do on here. I understand how you feel about the way i am when i see you at school and im sorry. Im really sorry. Im also sorry that even though i want to kiss you all the time i dont because i get really self conscious about how i am in public. Even though its people we dont know and stuff its just how i am with things.

For now i want to enjoy how things are with you and with my friends and when were finished with school and out in the real world i hope were still together and then we can enjoy life even more together.